Jewish Guilt Will Get You Everywhere

An elderly Jewish man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says.

“We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”

She calls Miami immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Passover. Now what do we tell them for Rosh Hashanah?”

How’s that for applying Jewish guilt?

Still want more? Check out The Big Book of Jewish Humor.


  1. bethere2day says:

    Haha! see outsmarted by their parents lol

  2. Joyce says:

    Oh, no! You posted the same one I have. I guess it just goes to show, great minds think alike!

  3. Comedy Plus says:

    Bwahahahahaha. That’s a good one and can be interchanged for Catholics too. They have the same guilt thing going. Good one.

    Have a terrific Silly Sunday. 🙂

  4. Julie says:

    Very funny! This really applies to all holidays.

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